Meaty Dreams

Last week i had a dream where i was carrying around the carcass of a baby deer (in a sleeping position, curled up), digging into it heartily with my teeth from time to time.  it had the most delectable taste and smell (eeeewww!!) and i felt both possessive of it and embarrassed by it.  at one point in the dream, i realized that i was SUPPOSED to be raw, and that this most definitely wasn't raw!!

then, last night, i had another meaty dream:  a pushy chef (male, older, maybe from spain or italy) forcibly served me two huge slices of steak, extremely rare.  he kept pushing me to try it, try it...and i was eating it, reluctantly, and he kept asking me (full of ego) if i liked it, knowing i would.  in the dream i was a little wary of how rare it was, and was definitely disturbed by his pushing.  at some point, i realized again that i was supposed to be raw, and that this was NOT raw!!

even in my meat-eating days, i wasn't really drawn to venison (heaven forbid a BABY deer!!) OR to steak.  these dreams were the extreme.

in my waking dreams, i'm more leaning towards off the waffle, or the egg that gets cooked in my kitchen.  they smell and sound good.  i'm feeling the itch to toss the experiment, to remove all restrictions, to see what happens when i just eat what i want.

and then i think back to my original purpose:  the quest for the shift in consciousness.  i have to say that i don't sense anything markedly different about myself.  i do feel better in my body, stronger, leaner.  no part of me feels worse...except some of the food yearnings...things that just sound so good...

but the fact is, they're not THAT good, and raw food really IS better, both for me (i believe) and tastewise.  it's just WORK.  it's planning ahead, figuring things out.  not messing up the food.  this past week i completely botched a whole batch of almond meal cookies...sad.

SO my current vision is to stick with it, for the most part (maybe i'll let myself veer off of 100% raw a little, just to ease the itch) for THREE MONTHS TOTAL (till april 1), gauge the consciousness factor, and then introduce some cooked foods and see how it feels and how it tastes.

you can believe that one of those cooked food meals is gonna be PIZZA!!!   my personal power quotient is skyrocketing with all the pizza i'm not eating!!

:)

Sugar Girl

I love sugar.  even though i have made the change to being raw, i notice that i still love agave-sweetened tea, chocolate, desserts, raw bars, and even the beet/carrot juice i love is very sugary!!  all day, i tend to sprinkle sweets into my diet, never in large quantities, but very regular tastes.  i am now going to WEEN myself off the sweets a little bit and see what happens.

i don't believe that sugar is bad.  someone told me that deepak chopra said that our draw to sweets is connected to being drawn to the sweetness of life:  why would we cut ourselves off from that??  sweet is energy, raw energy--we need sugar in order to live!!  but i can tend to overdo it, and i think it leads to me wanting more and more.  i don't think it has anything to do with weight, as i am still losing weight.   i just wind up feeling out of balance, so i'm going to see if i can do with a LITTLE less...

yesterday we made these "almond butter cup" treats:  raw chocolate (mix in food processor:  1 cup coconut oil, 1 cup cacao powder, 1/4-1/3 cup agave, put in fridge to harden, layer with raw almond butter and another layer of the chocolate).  they were SO SWEET (we used 1/2 cup agave:  too much!!) that it tipped me off about my sugar thing.  part of me wanted it, but another part was repulsed by how sweet it was.

i think that the addition of more greens will help to moderate the sweets craving.  i read that somewhere.

good luck on your personal transformations, everywhere!!

Day 21 of 21!!

well today is the last day of the first round of raw.   i am not going back to eating the way i used to.  i intend to stay mostly, if not completely raw, for now.

i have learned so much during this month.  i have learned that raw food is yummy and satisfying. i have learned that it works best for me to prepare some food today for tomorrow.  i have read many books and gotten new kitchen appliances.  i am on my way to powerful self care in the realm of nutrition.

you have probably heard about the "eat right for your blood type" book.  well the highly intelligent food scientist/rabbi/medical doctor/ayurvedic dude i am reading (gabriel cousens) feel like that is a dangerous book written by a man with a theory, which has affected so many people, possibly erroneously.  he sited several studies that contradict the "eat right for your blood type" theory.  one test was on all blood types where heart disease was reversed in each blood type by switching to a low fat vegan diet (no animal protein).  another study found that type A people, on average, died at age 61, where type O people, even smokers, meat eaters, alcoholics, etc died on average at age 86.  being a type O person myself, this piece of information is a little bit of a lure back to my old habits, knowing that no matter what i do, i'll probably die closer to 86, BUT...i'm in it for the spiritual element, and i KNOW food has a major role to play.

at this point, other than pizza, i don't crave cooked food.  and pizza, only when it's hot and full of veggies and right in front of me.  oh, and i love milk in my tea, but as long as i remember to soak almonds i can have almond milk which is just as good, if not better than other milks.

gabriel cousens talks about cooked food being dead food, and that our bodies are basically composting from eating cooked food.  he says it takes 2 years to press the "restart button" and reverse all of the composting that has happened inside of us.  that sounds like a long time, but i really don't like the idea that i am composting inside.  and if i can be perfectly clean in 2 years, it will be worth it.  and i believe that with my will and intention, i can speed-dial the restart button if i really want to.

i have lost, unintentionally, about 7 pounds in this time.  i doubt i'll lose more, as i haven't weighed much less than this in my adult life.  Sarah says my skin is glowing.  i feel pretty good.  my energy level feels high, but not hugely different from before.  i just KNOW that raw is right for me right now.  i am easily affected by what i read, especially if i can tell it is written by someone evolved and intelligent.  that is where i want to go:  more evolved, more intelligent.

i'd love to hear some of your stories.  along the way, people have let me know that my blog has affected them, but i don't know, in most cases, how.  please always feel free to share your experiences with me!!

:)  amy

Downs and Ups

today i cried.  with a renewed vision of my raw food experiment, i found a simple recipe for a sunflower seed pate and soaked the seeds overnight.  i went to 2 grocery stores to find the right sundried tomatoes.  i had all of the ingredients.  i did everything i thought i was supposed to do.

i won't give you all the messy details about my food prep experience.  suffice it to say that at the end i was pretty repulsed by the product.  that is when i cried.  all that food, good organic food, all that time, sweet precious time, and my pate looked like canned dog food.  the color was enough to turn anyone's stomach!!  and it didn't taste much better.

i called sarah and told her i didn't think i could do it.  i didn't think i could maintain a raw food diet if i can't prepare the most simple recipe for myself.  and there's no restaurant in town (YET!!) serving raw food. if there were, i would be there regularly!!

she laughed and i begged her to come home soon and fix my pate.  i dried my eyes.  i stared at the kale that i was supposed to do something to.  pulling up my bootstraps, i made a sauce for the kale:  1/2 cup tahini, 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar, 1/4 cup tamari, some cayenne, garlic powder and ground black pepper.  i ripped the kale up, massaged the sauce into the kale, and it tasted GOOD!!!  things took a turn.  i put the kale in the dehydrator and turned to face the "pate" (slash dog food).

i added a little more of this, a bit of that, and decided it was never meant to be pate.  so i made patties out of it and stuck it in the dehydrator with the kale.  i'm not sure if it will be good or not, but at least it's not a huge bowl of dog food pate staring at me. when i peek at it in the dehydrator, it actually looks pretty good!

then to top it all off, i juiced apple/carrot/beet/ginger juice, which is fantastic, and which i will have to start my day off in the morning.

when i was going down, i thought of you all (whoever you are!!) and somehow, knowing that people were out there supporting me gave me a strength that wouldn't have been there without this blog.  i really look forward to feeling on top of the raw food experiment!!  i so appreciate all of you who have responded in any way, and encourage more comments!!  especially if you have recipes that you love!!!  thank you.

So much to learn...

These past few days have not been my most exciting, food-wise.  Sarah (my inspiration, my raw food chef/coach) got sick and wasn't making anything, or even talking very much.  left to my own, i was eating mostly oranges, salads, occasionally avocado on a cracker.  i felt empty.  i felt a little desperate.  our fridge was full of food i either couldn't eat or didn't know what to do with.

Now i realize that i need to have a plan.  i need to be able to count on myself to feed myself.  this might seem silly to those of you who are good at and used to preparing food...but in our culture it is pretty easy to figure out how to get fed without doing much!!  pick up a sandwich, a slice of pizza, reheat leftovers, grab a burger, eat something out of a can, something "instant"...

I need to plan my meals in advance, soaking the seeds or nuts overnight, sometimes allowing time for sprouting and dehydrating.  i need to be connected to the food, to its energy, its life-force, its potential.  i need to tap into both my self-nurturing gene and my food creativity gene.

My 21 days are almost up, but i have decided it is time for ROUND 2 to begin.  round 2 will be Raw Food With A Plan.  21 days of experimenting, of meal planning, and of really looking at the diet i am eating and assessing its balance.

I still want to keep it simple.  I want to drink a green juice every day.  Today i ordered a Vitamix Blender!!  i got a refurbished one (comes with the same warrantee) for $379 and free shipping!!  this is a good tip:  if you are planning on ordering a Vitamix blender, google "Vitamix free shipping coupon code"!!  pick one and your shipping is free!!  they have no expiration date!!

next week:  green smoothies.

A Definite Change

this wasn't even on the radar, but i have noticed a HUGE difference in my joints!!

for the past few years, i have had stiffness in my joints when i stand up from a sitting position (esp. with my knees bent).  it always takes a few steps for my joints to "re-grease" and function normally.

in the past few days, i've noticed that that is NOT THERE ANYMORE!!  i stand up and just go!!  no hesitant creaky steps to get me going...just full speed ahead!!  wow!!

so i did a little research in the bible (aka The Sunfood Diet Success System by David Wolfe) and found that arthritis/joint pain is caused by the presence of too much acid in the system.  if we adjust our diets to be more alkaline, joint pain diminishes or disappears!

how many people have you heard say that they have "bad knees" or a "bad back" when maybe, just maybe, what they have is an unbalanced diet??  in the raw food world, the Standard American Diet is acronymed to be SAD.  it IS sad if our diets are hurting us, isn't it?

is it worth giving up refined sugar, coffee, animal meat, dairy, alcohol, over-the-counter pain medication...for our health??  for a pain-free life??  a disease-free body?  each person has to choose for her/himself.

i have been thinking about food and spirituality.  i am coming to believe that raw food contains a strong spiritual element.  i think that wild food is the highest in spiritual concentration.  i'm starting to believe that cooked food, with all its draw and temptation through smell, presentation, and convenience, is lacking in a strong spiritual component.  if we are what we eat, then i want to eat high-vibration foods.

David Wolfe teaches that fruit with seeds are better than seedless fruit.  of course, we love the convenience of not having to deal with the pesky seeds, but really isn't fruit SUPPOSED to have seeds??  seedless fruit is hybridized; it's no longer "original" fruit.  it's a little bit SAD (standard american diet) that even our raw foods are tarnished.

more and more and more i want to find and eat the food that is better and better and better for me.  It seems like a no-brainer to eat high-quality food if we are what we eat and we want to be high-quality people.

i can't imagine that i'll go back to my pizza now.  i will find a way to make some nice raw pizza.  full of life and spirit.  the best pizza ever.

Reflections

i just came from seeing some good old friends, and got some lovely reflections!!  when asked about how i am feeling, the honest answer is "pretty much the same", though certain THINGS have changed, like the way i experience hunger, some weight loss, more introspection.

the REFLECTION i received was that i seem more connected to myself.  calmer, quieter, deeper.  that sounds good to me...it is how i want to feel and be.

i want to show you my amazing lunch from yesterday:

it was zucchini angel hair "pasta" with marinated mushrooms and raw marinara sauce.  it was so amazingly delicious.

As far as cooked food cravings go, i am realizing that i love the SMELL of cooked food!!  oh, how i love it!!  pizza, bagels, mac and cheese....the other day i wondered:  WHY does cooked food SMELL so good??  my meditation on this question led me to this conclusion:  raw foods contain amazing amounts of nutrition, intact.  when we cook the food, it breaks the bonds of the molecules and releases the nutrients in the form of smell!!  so when we actually EAT the food, it is LACKING the smell that we smelled, which has now dissipated and landed on the ground somewhere.

Raw food TASTES SO RICH.  none of it is lost to the ground.  it finds its home inside of us.

love to all!!

So far, the coolest part of this Experiment is....

the reactions!!  it is so amazing to be so supported by others who have gone the same route, and to also feel the wave of people who are being affected by my blog!!  so so so many of you have jumped on in some way, on an awareness level, looking at what you eat, thinking about making changes, and some of you actively making new choices around food.  what an amazing wave!!

i wasn't planning on starting a blog.  but the first day of my experiment, i just did it.  i've never even read anyone's blog before.  i barely knew what one was, but there i was, creating one!!  i think it was the force of so many of us having the same draw--towards health, feeling great, being more responsible with our eating, taking as good care of ourselves and the planet as possible...that magnetized me to start this blog.

thank you, all of you, who have responded in any way.  Namaste!!!

Wheatgrass Discovery!

today i got a 2-oz. shot of wheatgrass juice at capella for a whopping $5.50!!  i could feel it immediately go to work cleansing my BRAIN!!  then i used my awareness to follow the wheatgrass's sweep down into my lower abdomen.

THEN i went onto Ebay and bought a wheatgrass juicer for $21 plus shipping!!  (usually $99).  i am planning to grow wheatgrass and drink it regularly.  i learned (from a shopper-friend at capella) that wheatgrass has almost the identical molecular composition to hemoglobin (the iron-rich protein in red blood cells), which makes it very easily absorbed.  it bonds with a protein and actually BECOMES hemoglobin!  so you can make fresh good blood by drinking wheatgrass!!  i think it has endless healing potential.  here is a link if you want to learn a little more about it:

http://www.soymilkquick.com/benefitofwheatgrassjuice.php

as good as the wheatgrass was, it got trumped (by far) in the yumminess department by our dessert:  banana soft-serve (made with frozen bananas run through the champion juicer) covered with chocolate sauce (cacao, vanilla, coconut oil, water, agave) and topped with yummy crunchy shredded coconut flakes!!!!  this dessert was THE BOMB!!!

RAW foods are almost too good to be true!!  they taste way better than regular food--i just wish i were hungrier so i could eat more of them!!

:)

Holding Steady

I haven't posted much the last few days because there really hasn't been much to say!!  i'm feeling fine, not noticing a huge change in any part of my BMES (body/mind/emotion/spirit).  At the same time, i do know that things are changing...subtle changes.

My digestion is definitely improved.  My elimination is impressive (i've been thinking about a "nice" way to phrase that!).  My gums are sore in specific areas.  I got on my bike (kind of a big deal for me)!

I think that the fact that i don't have a lot of weight to lose, and that my diet didn't change substantially when i went 100% (or close to that) raw, might be why i'm not experiencing a huge shift.

They say it takes 21 days to change a habit...so there might be things that are shifting that i won't really SEE until they are completely shifted.  I still hold the space that something HUGE and AMAZING could happen as far as my consciousness goes.

There are so many tools to get where we want to go.  I think finding the right combination is the key.  I know that if i can insert a little more disciplined practice in my life (meditation, daily rigorous exercise, daily outdoor experience, inspirational reading) i will change.  Diet is a good start, and i am happy to be committed to that.

FREE HUMMUS!!

hey, if you want some raw hummus, i made too much!!  it needs to be eaten by tomorrow.  if you want some, let me know and we'll figure out how to get it to you!!

more details about my raw life to come...

One of Sarah's recipes

have i given Sarah enough credit?  she comes up with all of these great recipes, and is a magician in the kitchen!!  plus, if you live in eugene, she makes and sells small batches of raw juice, spreads, desserts, etc. and you can get on her emailing list if you might like to order some!!

Creamy Cabbage

1 large head of green cabbage, finely chopped
2 carrots, grated (make sure they taste good first!)
1 cup currants
1/2 cup fresh cilantro, chopped
toss in bowl with dressing (below)


dressing:

1 cup raw tahini
1/2 cup raw apple cider vinegar
1/3 cup nama shoyu  (or tamari)
3 cloves garlic
2 inches of ginger root, peeled
1 whole serrano chili (optional)

blend in cuisinart

i have never liked cabbage, but i LOVE THIS DISH!!



if you are interested in ordering some of sarah's raw delicacies, you can email her directly at sweetsarahflows@yahoo.com and she will put you on her email list.  each friday she sends out a list of the foods she will be preparing for pick-up or delivery the following wednesday.  you can order as much or as little as you like!!  usually there are juices, spreads, salads and desserts to choose from.

Detoxification

i have been waiting (somewhat excitedly) for my detoxification to begin.  after a (typical) childhood diet of wonderbread, devil dogs and spaghetti-o's, teenage years that saw untold amounts of Big Macs and beer, and a lifetime's supply of cooked fats stored in my body, i'm certain there is plenty that is ready to be purged in one way or another.

detox symptoms sometimes include headaches, skin conditions, strong body odor, digestive distress, aches and pains...i have been expecting mine to be digestive, imagining my large intestine as clogged, like an artery would get.  if there is one system that hasn't worked smoothly for me, it's the digestive system.  i'm a little (in)famous for it here at home.  :)

i'm sure some kind of physical detox is on the way.  Yesterday, however, was an emotional detox day for me.  I felt off all day long.  Irritable.  Depressed.  Edgy.

the coolest thing about this emotional detox experience was that i DID NOT GO TO FOOD TO SOOTHE IT.  even though i could have snacked on raw food, i didn't even want to!!  that connection wasn't there, though the memory was.  in the past, it would have been a day filled with chocolate and coffee.  salty snacks from the kids' snack drawer.  yesterday i just sat with it, and by the end of the day i had an emotional meltdown that felt just right, cleansing.

again, i find myself in a place of simple peace.  i am continually surprised at the lack of hunger i experience.  as of now, i don't see myself going back to my old diet (which had no restrictions at all:  i was always proud that i could and would eat just about anything).  though i still romance over pizza...

So, what AM i eating?

many people have asked me this, so here is today's menu:

Breakfast:  quart of lemon/cayenne/raw agave water (daily)
                  1/2 hour later...an orange (i would have had 2 but i only had one at home)

Morning Snack:  a large apple with almond butter

Lunch:  Nori roll with coconut cashew curry, salad mix and 1/2 avocado

Evening Snack:  a bowl of Kale Chips (about a head of kale)

Dinner:  6-8 oz. sauerkraut (woah!!) and chocolate walnut mousse for dessert (about 2 Tbsp)


it's really a simple diet.  I'm not mixing fruits (not eating more than one kind per sitting), and i'm eating as much as i feel like, and eating what i feel like eating.  i could have had more greens today.  when i am hungry again, i will have some vitamineral green to make sure i have enough nutrients.

i continue to marvel at the lack of hunger through my day.  Food is much less of a distraction, and i have more time and energy to focus on my daily tasks.

i feel slightly altered today, floating a bit.  i'm not sure what to attribute it to, or how to judge it (is it good? bad? is it from not eating enough? not enough nutrients? not enough exercise?).  stay tuned....

Here is how i made the Kale Chips:

cut 2 heads of kale into pieces (4-5" chunks are good)

toss with olive oil, sea salt, nutritional yeast (i haven't researched it, but i doubt nutritional yeast is raw), and lemon until it tastes strong and yummy.  i dehydrated them at 105 degrees for about 20 hours.  i think you could do this in a glass pan in your oven on low, as long as your low isn't above 110 degrees.

I think that processed food makes us hungry...

...because now that i'm not eating it, i'm not hungry!!  every once in a while, i feel a chemical/physical shift in my body, kind of like a pond in the summer drying up.  it's an inward pull, different from what i remember "hunger" to feel like, which felt more primal, definitely located in the stomach.  growly.  this is more of a whole being sensation, where my whole body, not just my stomach, is longing for nutrients.

when sarah (my partner, who has been raw for 3 or 4 months now) first went raw, she read to me this sentence from one of her books:  "It's time to get over your addiction to cooked food!", which i laughed at, and which scared me.  addiction to cooked food??  to me that sounded like "addiction to eating"!!  and yet, the phrase ate away at me...was i addicted to cooked food??  is there something addicting about it?

i am definitely tempted by certain foods, and i'm a vacuum-style snacker, eating whatever has fallen off a plate, or gotten on my finger, or (heaven forbid!) is heading on one of the kids' plates towards the garbage!!  so i really am on my guard against my habits...today i barely caught myself as the cream cheese i was wiping up with my finger ALMOST hit my tongue!!  and i had to bag up the bowl of  marinated baked tempeh i was transporting in my car so i wouldn't accidentally snack on it out of pure munchy habit.

it is interesting to see these habits--not just the enjoyment of the flavors, but the programmed WAY i am used to eating.  grab-eat-grab-eat.  my friend called it being an "opportunivore", which i've always been proud of!!  but now i believe there is a higher, healthier way.

right now the food i am eating tastes delicious, feels incredibly satisfying, and i don't have the sensation of being full when i'm done, i just feel done.  Satisfied.  On the consciousness level, i can only say that i feel more balanced.  Less highs and lows.  More peace.

Day 2: So far, So good!!

My eating has been pretty simple so far.  Juice in the morning, salad sometime during the day.  A piece of fruit or a carrot when i'm snacky.  Last night i had the odd experience of not wanting chocolate when it was available!!  The kids' pizza, however, was utterly tempting....

Today we made a DELICIOUS coconut cashew curry pate which i had on raw (Livin' Spoonful) crackers.  If you want the recipe, i am happy to share it!!

On the consciousness level, i can only say that i am feeling simple and basically happy.  I anticipate my body going through a detox (already i am producing some smells that are less than tasteful!!) and of course when anything happens with the body, the mind/emotions/spirit are connected and will therefore experience their own form of detox!

I do have some kind of a physical condition happening that is either reproductive or digestive, and I hope that this diet will pave the way for its cleansing.

I am grateful to all of you who have shown your support.  Much love!!!

Why in the world would i do this?

I've decided to eat all (or mostly all) Living Food (raw food) for the next 21 days.

I'm not a vegan, or a vegetarian.  I don't feel overweight or that something is wrong with my body.  There is nothing on the physical plane pressing me to change my diet.

The main thing I am hoping to shift is my CONSCIOUSNESS.

I have always been a comfort food junkie, eating whatever I craved, whenever.  Yummy food is convenient, often cheap, and easy to come by.

If you believe that "you are what you eat" (which I do) then it follows that up until now, I have been "comfortable" (though not always digestively!!).
What I really want to be is CLEAR AND PURE.

I believe that the best foods one could possibly eat are unprocessed and close to the source, directly from the sun and the earth, as full as possible of nutrients and pure energy.  I wonder why we as humans have gone to overprocessing foods...when a whole piece of fruit, a bowl of salad, nuts and sprouted grains are so SIMPLE and so FULL OF LIFE and leave one feeling satisfied but not full.

I look forward to giving my body this pure version of what is possible to eat.  I want to eat pure sunlight, pure plant matter, pure spirit energy.  I'm not completely sure how I will know that my consciousness has changed.  But I know that I will know.