Meaty Dreams

Last week i had a dream where i was carrying around the carcass of a baby deer (in a sleeping position, curled up), digging into it heartily with my teeth from time to time.  it had the most delectable taste and smell (eeeewww!!) and i felt both possessive of it and embarrassed by it.  at one point in the dream, i realized that i was SUPPOSED to be raw, and that this most definitely wasn't raw!!

then, last night, i had another meaty dream:  a pushy chef (male, older, maybe from spain or italy) forcibly served me two huge slices of steak, extremely rare.  he kept pushing me to try it, try it...and i was eating it, reluctantly, and he kept asking me (full of ego) if i liked it, knowing i would.  in the dream i was a little wary of how rare it was, and was definitely disturbed by his pushing.  at some point, i realized again that i was supposed to be raw, and that this was NOT raw!!

even in my meat-eating days, i wasn't really drawn to venison (heaven forbid a BABY deer!!) OR to steak.  these dreams were the extreme.

in my waking dreams, i'm more leaning towards off the waffle, or the egg that gets cooked in my kitchen.  they smell and sound good.  i'm feeling the itch to toss the experiment, to remove all restrictions, to see what happens when i just eat what i want.

and then i think back to my original purpose:  the quest for the shift in consciousness.  i have to say that i don't sense anything markedly different about myself.  i do feel better in my body, stronger, leaner.  no part of me feels worse...except some of the food yearnings...things that just sound so good...

but the fact is, they're not THAT good, and raw food really IS better, both for me (i believe) and tastewise.  it's just WORK.  it's planning ahead, figuring things out.  not messing up the food.  this past week i completely botched a whole batch of almond meal cookies...sad.

SO my current vision is to stick with it, for the most part (maybe i'll let myself veer off of 100% raw a little, just to ease the itch) for THREE MONTHS TOTAL (till april 1), gauge the consciousness factor, and then introduce some cooked foods and see how it feels and how it tastes.

you can believe that one of those cooked food meals is gonna be PIZZA!!!   my personal power quotient is skyrocketing with all the pizza i'm not eating!!

:)